The Miss Universe Pageant returned to Miami last night, and it was everything you expected it to be. Which is to say: leggy women wearing way too much makeup while strutting and smiling and showing off their bikini bodies in the name of national pride.

LAS VEGAS -- The Colombian contestant was already wearing this year's Miss Universe crown when host Steve Harvey returned to announce on live television that he had mistakenly read from a cue card, and that the contestant from the Philippines was actually ...

Several contestants walked out as the Thai businessman who co-owns the pageant was scolding one of the contestants.