Somewhere on the North Carolina State campus, a machine has been puking vanilla pudding. Aerosolized vomit-pudding sprays out of its mouth, which stretches open in permanent retching position.

The other day I ate some suspicious tacos, and a few hours later I was face-first in the toilet bowl puking up my dinner. It was terribly unpleasant. But, wouldn’t it be great if I could have put that ...